NOT your Average UsagiMamoru AU
by NeonProdigy
Summary: I've been looking through Sailor Moon fanfiction, and finally realized how many Alternate Universe MamoruUsagi stories there are. I tried to write one. Instead, I got this. Please read and enjoy.


-1In a dark hospital room, the patient is lying in his bed, resting from his surgery. On a nearby table, there is a newspaper. On it's front page in large letters is: "Star athlete Mamoru Chiba's near-fatal injury after microphone/lobster tank incident." Below that is a picture of a tall and busty brunette holding hands with a shorter girl with blue hair, with the heading: "Famed novelist Ami Mizuno comes out of the closet, and is dating florist Makoto Kino."

The man lying in the bed lifts himself up… and the demon Sesshomaru wondered where he was, how he got there, and why he suddenly had a left arm again.

The room full of crazed Sesshomaru fan girls giggled all at once.

He never had a chance.

Meanwhile, in the room across the hall, Mamoru Chiba looked forward to another session of physical therapy, and he was now positive that he was in love with his therapist. He could imagine her golden hair in it's, admittedly strange, hairstyle, her baby blues eyes…

…And, besides, it was almost an un-written rule that if a guy ends up in physical therapy, he ends up in a romantic relationship with his therapist.

Confident in this line of thinking, he smiled at Usagi Tsukino as she walked through the door for his session.

A few months later, the bishounen silver haired demon Sesshomaru was quietly sneaking through the halls, hoping to escape all of those insane girls. He'd finally made it to the lobby on the ground floor. The only people around were what appeared to be a short haired, sandy blonde man and an elegant looking woman with aquamarine colored hair sitting down and reading the newspaper. Had he not been running for his life, his acute sense of smell would have led him to rethink his assessment of the blonde. As it was, however, he also failed to notice the thin wire a few inches above the ground, running from one wall to the other.

As he tripped, it seemed as though the shadows were moving. They slid back to reveal the horde of fan-girls. As they swarmed over him, his last thought before getting knocked unconscious and dragged back to his room was: "This must be… this is True Evil."

As the horde carried Sesshomaru back to do unspeakable things to him, Haruka Tenoh looked up at the commotion. "Wow, that's a lot of girls…" She flashed a grin at some of the ones that looked her way.

"Haruka, behave." Her lover, Michiru Kaiou, set the newspaper down on the empty chair next to her, and leveled a look at her partner that, while not quite a glare, did give one the impression that it was swiftly approaching one.

Haruka smiled at her. "Now, Michiru, dear, you know you're the only one for me." She wrapped her arms around the other woman. "And the only one who'll put up with me."

Michiru smirked, and nodded. "That's true." She rests her cheek against Haruka's shoulder, and looks up at her.

In the chair next to them, the newspaper is open to the front page. This time, there are two main headings. There is a picture of the U.S. President being dragged out of the White House, and the words "Sweden and Canada Take Over World in less than a day, Experts all agree: "No One Saw _This_ Coming".

Below this is another article: "Guy in charge of writing un-written rules fired for plagiarism".

In his room, Mamoru Chiba is pacing back and forth, waiting for Usagi. He'd made a tremendous recovery, and might even be able to compete again soon. This hardly mattered to him, as he thought only one thing: "Today… I'll tell her how I feel today."

The door opened, and Usagi walked in, closing the door behind her. "Hello Mamoru-san, how are you today?"

"Quite well, thank you." He smiled at her. She began talking again.

"Well, this will be the last time you have to see me, it's really just a formality…" She was interrupted by Mamoru.

"Miss Tsukino… I don't know the best way to say this, but I have to tell you, I-I love you! I want to be with you for the rest of my life! I'm hopelessly, desperately in love with you!"

Usagi blinked. Then her eyes widened. "Oh… oh dear… I… This is awkward, you see, I'm getting married in a few days."

"What! Who…" There was a knock at the door.

Usagi looked at the door, and gasped. Mamoru narrowed his eyes. "That him, isn't it?" He walked to the door and turned the knob…

And saw a woman with long black hair, violet eyes, and wearing jeans and a red jacket. Usagi smiled at her. "Rei, I told you I'd be there in a few minutes."

"I know, Love, but Setsuna called and says that she has plans for tonight, so if we're going to get your dress fitted today, we have to go _now_." The blonde nodded, and stepped past Mamoru who was still standing there dumbfounded. He could hear then as the two women walked down the hall, continuing their conversation.

"Speaking of Setsuna, she is coming to the recital in a few days, right?"

"Yeah, don't worry about that."

"Good. Oh, she called me a few hours ago and asked me if she could invite someone, her girlfriend, Minako."

"Wait, Minako… as in Minako _Aino_?"

"Yeah! Do you know her?"

"I dated her once."

"Oh, will it be a problem then?"

"No, it's fine… but now I'll have to "Mina-proof" a few things… and before you ask, yes, that means plastic champagne glasses."

Mamoru continued to simply stand there until long after they'd left.

Several more months went by, many things have happened. In a park somewhere in Tokyo, the cherry blossoms are in bloom. Many couples, families, friends, and others, are having picnics, playing, loving, or just walking around. A young girl with pink hair, part of which was put up into two yam shaped buns, and another young girl, with black shoulder length hair and holding the day's newspaper, were walking hand in hand. Suddenly, in the distance, a large crash is heard as a giant white wolf with a crescent moon shaped mark on it's forehead burst out of a hospital, being chased by horny fan girls.

The two girls watch in mild disinterest. Finally, the pink haired one says something. "Hotaru-chan, do you think, in another life, we were magical girls and fought monsters?"

The other looked at her, confused. "I… don't know Usa, why do you ask?"

"No reason, just a weird impulse I guess. Do you want to go bother my cousin?"

Hotaru grinned at her. "Sure, we could also see if the baby's kicking yet."

They continued walking, making their way to the park exit.

"I'm still surprised that Usagi decided to have the baby. When Aunty showed her the video tape of the day she was born, she swore that she'd never ever let herself get pregnant."

Hotaru giggled, and the two walked in silence for a while. As they neared a trash can, Hotaru dropped the newspaper into it. She looked at Chibi-Usa for a minute or two, and slipped her arm around the other girl's waist.

"You know what? This is a really nice day." Then she pulled the other girl closer to her and kissed her on the lips.

At the trashcan they'd passed, a man was holding up a rifle, looking up at the sky through the scope. Eventually, he seemed to find his prey, and fired. From the sky, a large winged horse fell down, half of it's stomach blown open, leaking it's entrails onto the ground. He slowly approached it, kicked it to make sure it was good and dead, and walked away.

"Damned Pegasus, finally got you. Take that Helios, ya' bastard." He passed the trashcan and saw the recently discarded newspaper. He picked it up and began looking through it.

" "Ex-athlete Mamoru Chiba commits suicide?" Ha! The guy was a crazy jerk anyway. What else, let's see… "First legal gay wedding in Japan… Congratulations Rei Hino and Usagi Tsukino…" Congratulations? I'd say! Good to see some progress with society… "Lack of magical girls in Japan causes monsters to fight amongst themselves. Buildings are leveled, as bets are made on the outcome." Well, nice to see the economic problems of today getting addressed, more cash flow from the bets, and more jobs in construction. Maybe now the Nerima Construction Crew will hire me."

The man placed the newspaper back in the trashcan, thought better of it, folded it up, and put it underneath his arm. He walked down the path, whistling, with his rifle propped up against his shoulder. Nearby, a cabbit chews happily at a carrot, as two nearby women fight over the same guy.

Isn't life grand?

One thing I have to say, the lobster tank/microphone thing was from Baka Gaijin 30's story "Mamoru must Die", a story that has inspired this, and some other stories that I'm working on.


End file.
